That's a question I've been asking myself a lot lately, with a touch of sadness. Just a few weeks ago I was thrilled to place my order for Tammy Lenski's new book, Making Mediation You Day Job. It was exactly the kind of book I'd been hoping to find, a guide that would help lift me from my current state of mediation inertia. However, I've only glanced through it and for the time being have reluctantly set it aside. I know it will be a great source of ideas and inspiration when the time is right, but it seems to me that the time is not right, and I will have to focus on more practical ways of earning a living. Without making a substantial commitment in time and money, there is no way I will build a practice that will support my family. Instead, I will fall back on how I've earned a living for much of my adult life- as a teacher.
This is not a bad thing; I love teaching. I have programs lined up through until the fall, and therefore have little time left over to invest in mediating. I will of course continue to volunteer my services in the Adult Justice Committee, and still find this is an excellent learning experience, and in most cases, very satisfying. I enjoy the extra training our team of volunteers receives for this pilot program, most recently a two day workshop on Multicultural Competence in Mediation Training, put on by Conflict Mediation Services of Downsview. I enjoy very much working with co-mediators, comparing styles, planning how to approach new cases, etc. I also plan to attend as many workshops put on by the ADR Institute, such as the upcoming session on Restorative Justice. In short, I am not giving up on Mediation, I am only postponing any immediate hopes of mediating for a living.
I have no idea what I'll be writing a year from now, but I'm optimistic there will be clear signs of progress and further growth, as a person, as a mediator, and as a professional. Stay tuned...
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Monday, March 3, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Bridging the Gap
I have a picture on my home office door - the cover of one of my old Dicks 'n Janes zines actually - which has my head attached to a muscular Mel Gibson in the role of Braveheart. The caption at the bottom reads 'Gotta Keep 'em Separated', taken from the hit song of the same title by The Offspring. (Isn't the internet amazing - click here and you can hear it too!). At the time I believed it was very important to keep the publisher of this irreverent and politically incorrect zine (worldwide circulation 50, from 1984-2003) far apart from the businessman whose Japanese clients might not approve of the liberal references to politics, pot and poetry. (sorry, but I’m a product of the 60s). I was very cautious about who I mailed copies to, and limited the readership to friends, and friends of friends, with just one stipulation: no jerks. (for example, the idiot who tossed hatchets at trees and poured kerosene on our annual Mother’s Day campfire).
My point? Well, today I find myself in a similar situation, trying to keep the Scarborough Dude (oops - now the cat’s out of the bag), host of the Dicksnjanes Podcast (no hyperlink, yet) at bay from Ken, the mild mannered mediator. The ‘dude,’ as his small but loyal fan base calls him, loves to swear loudly and voice strongly worded opinions on religion, politics, parenthood, education and everything in between. If the dots were ever connected (it shouldn't be hard now), this character could surely wreak havoc on my reputation as a fair and unbiased mediator. Gotta keep ’em separated, no?
That’s what I’ve been telling myself anyway - keep your wild and crazy hobby persona far from your budding identity as a professional in the field of mediation. But is that split between the various expressions of oneself really necessary? When I read books such as Bringing Peace Into the Room: How the Personal Qualities of the Mediator Impact the Process of Conflict Resolution by Daniel Bowling and David Hoffman, I get a sense that real mediators who are at one with their inner selves are more effective in their professional roles, and more likely to win the trust of clients. And so slowly, cautiously, and within the protective confines of this blog, I begin to bridge the gap.
My point? Well, today I find myself in a similar situation, trying to keep the Scarborough Dude (oops - now the cat’s out of the bag), host of the Dicksnjanes Podcast (no hyperlink, yet) at bay from Ken, the mild mannered mediator. The ‘dude,’ as his small but loyal fan base calls him, loves to swear loudly and voice strongly worded opinions on religion, politics, parenthood, education and everything in between. If the dots were ever connected (it shouldn't be hard now), this character could surely wreak havoc on my reputation as a fair and unbiased mediator. Gotta keep ’em separated, no?
That’s what I’ve been telling myself anyway - keep your wild and crazy hobby persona far from your budding identity as a professional in the field of mediation. But is that split between the various expressions of oneself really necessary? When I read books such as Bringing Peace Into the Room: How the Personal Qualities of the Mediator Impact the Process of Conflict Resolution by Daniel Bowling and David Hoffman, I get a sense that real mediators who are at one with their inner selves are more effective in their professional roles, and more likely to win the trust of clients. And so slowly, cautiously, and within the protective confines of this blog, I begin to bridge the gap.
"Monkeys are superior to men in this: when a money looks into a mirror, he sees a monkey." – Malcolm de Chazal
or if you prefer...
"We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be." – May Sarton
Monday, February 4, 2008
What Happened?
Time to own up to an onerous truth: this ain't as easy as I had imagined! I last left you with an audio introduction, in what I planned would be a weekly series of podcasts exploring my journey towards making a living as a mediator. I like to think I'm still learning valuable lessons every week, especially through my volunteer service in the Victim-Offender Program here in Toronto, but the hope of actually earning money as a mediator seems further away than ever. Of course one can be a mediator without financial gain, but having it both ways is still a dream I'm not yet ready to give up.
That aside, I've had to ask myself what happened to this blog I was so excited about when I started. It would be easy to lay the blame on a mild case of Adult Attention Deficit Disorder, but the fact is, for a blog, or podcast, to be successful, the author needs to be clear on the reasons for putting it out, the message(s) to be conveyed, and the intended audience. Two months ago I thought I had the answers to those questions, but as of today, I can answer none of them. But just admitting that makes me feel a lot better, and optimistic that I can get started again. I will keep in mind a lesson I've learned from podcasting, as expressed by comedian Bill Cosby:
"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying please everybody."
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
A Mediator's Calling Podcast: An Introduction
So much for blogging; here is the first installation of A Mediator's Calling Podcast.
Show References:
Friday, January 11, 2008
The Road Ahead
It will be obvious to anyone visiting this site for the first time that I am a novice in the field of mediation. In fact, the reason I started this blog was to share a record of my journey on this long and never ending road towards mediator competence. The 132 hours of training I received through the Certificate in Dispute Resolution Program at York University in 2001 has served me well, and I was very fortunate to take an elective in my main area of interest, community mediation. Since then I have attended various workshops, including Narrative Mediation with John Winslade at Conrad Grebel University College, been involved as ‘the tech guy’ in the now defunct UCDR, and last November registered my own company, Glanville Mediation Service, and placed local ads for which I’m starting to get calls. To date I have mediated about fifteen cases, and continue to take on new ones regularly, thanks to volunteering my services with local community centres.
From October of 2006, I went through the Victim/Offender Mediation training offered by Conflict Mediation Services of Downsview (and was honoured to have co-mediated Ontario’s first case in this Ministry of Justice Pilot Project. Several other workshops are being offered to supplement our Victim/Offender Training, including defusing hostility, and the CMSD Cross Cultural Training Program. I continue to enjoy reading mediation texts (more on that later), and am subscribed to various mediation blogs (see sidebar). And to start 2008 of right, I rejoined the ADR Institute of Ontario and have already attended two very interesting section meetings, and especially look forward to the ADR Annual Meeting and Conference in Montreal October 17.
Since first venturing into this profession, I have been very impressed by the noble spirit which seems to run through it. There seems a deeply held conviction that mediation is a unique and precious calling that demands nothing less than the very best of all who take up this practice. Of course I am revealing some of my own biases here, in that I adhere to the transformative notions of the mediation process and am a little (lot?) less concerned with the legal and financial side of things. One message that I picked up at a recent ADRIO meeting was that to be successful, mediators have to develop their own special niche. This will take considerable time and experience, but I’m beginning to sense the direction in which I want to move. One thing is certain; the learning process never ends, whether it’s through mediations, training programs, readings, meetings or simply observing life’s daily interactions. I am truly delighted to have taken this path, and look forward to all the opportunities that lie ahead.
From October of 2006, I went through the Victim/Offender Mediation training offered by Conflict Mediation Services of Downsview (and was honoured to have co-mediated Ontario’s first case in this Ministry of Justice Pilot Project. Several other workshops are being offered to supplement our Victim/Offender Training, including defusing hostility, and the CMSD Cross Cultural Training Program. I continue to enjoy reading mediation texts (more on that later), and am subscribed to various mediation blogs (see sidebar). And to start 2008 of right, I rejoined the ADR Institute of Ontario and have already attended two very interesting section meetings, and especially look forward to the ADR Annual Meeting and Conference in Montreal October 17.
Since first venturing into this profession, I have been very impressed by the noble spirit which seems to run through it. There seems a deeply held conviction that mediation is a unique and precious calling that demands nothing less than the very best of all who take up this practice. Of course I am revealing some of my own biases here, in that I adhere to the transformative notions of the mediation process and am a little (lot?) less concerned with the legal and financial side of things. One message that I picked up at a recent ADRIO meeting was that to be successful, mediators have to develop their own special niche. This will take considerable time and experience, but I’m beginning to sense the direction in which I want to move. One thing is certain; the learning process never ends, whether it’s through mediations, training programs, readings, meetings or simply observing life’s daily interactions. I am truly delighted to have taken this path, and look forward to all the opportunities that lie ahead.
A strong passion… will insure success, for the desire of the end will point out the means. – William Hazlitt
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
2008: Making Better Use of Time
"As long as you are trying to be something other than what you actually are, your mind wears itself out." – J. Krishnamurti
We are only just hours into 2008, and I am holding firm to my New Year’s pledge to ‘make better use of my time this year.’ Yes, it’s noon, and I’m sitting comfortably with my MacBook on my lap, watching back to back episodes of Corner Gas. And I’m laughing out loud, something I don’t do often enough. For those unfamiliar with this show, I can only say it’s very Canadian and very funny, in a Canadian sort of way. Corner Gas, awarded Geminis for Best Comedy, Best Ensemble Performance and Best Writing in a Comedy, and getting ‘rage reviews across the USA’ on Superstation, is about to enter it’s 5th season, but I have to confess to only recently becoming a real fan of the show.
Regardless, you may be wondering how watching two and a half hours of a situation comedy, no matter how hilarious, constitutes making better use of my time, especially since I’m always telling myself I should watch less television and use the reclaimed time to read more. The thing is, it isn’t healthy to always be striving to be better, to achieve greater success, to outdo oneself and others. We have to also make time to just sit back and smell the roses, and be who we are in the present moment. Tomorrow is a working day, and I have an ever growing list of tasks to prioritize and get started on, hopefully with conviction and zeal. But today is New Year’s Day, a holiday, and I have every intention to indulge myself in whatever simple pleasures take my fancy. If I choose to have a glass of wine with brunch, I will savour every sip, and not fret about that long list of To Do’s awaiting my attention. And if I decide to read, I’ll pick up whatever book I’m in the mood for, not one that voice inside my head tells me I ‘should’ be reading now.
Making better use of your time, at least to me, means living more fully in the present moment, being more cognizant of the ‘now,’ and more appreciative of the good things in life, like friendship, kindness and yes, humour. I spend far too much time getting depressed over the state of world affairs, and since most of those problems are beyond my sphere of influence (unfortunately, I can’t vote outside of Canada), it makes more sense to focus on what I can do, here and now. For example, whenever I buy something, I make a point of engaging in friendly conversation, and always walk away feeling better for the smiles and eye contact, no matter how brief the interaction. While that may seem quite trivial, it really isn’t, as everything we do and react to has a ripple effect in ways we can’t foresee. Making better use of our time doesn’t just mean accomplishing more, but also valuing more what it is we are doing at any given time. I intend to make the most of 2008, and wish all of you a Happy and Fulfilling New Year. And now back to Corner Gas.
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