Personal Qualities of the Mediator

I am currently reading ‘Bringing Peace into the Room: How the Personal Qualities of the Mediator Impact the Process of Conflict Resolution.' In the first chapter, editors Daniel Bowling and David Hoffman quote psychologist Jeffrey Kottler on the role of personality in psychotherapy, and by extension, mediating. Successful therapists “are the kind of people who radiate positive energy. They are upbeat, enthusiastic, witty, and quick on their feet. They have good voices and are highly expressive in using them. Most of these highly successful practitioners are simply interesting and fun to be around.” In other words, it is not only about “what effective therapists (read mediators) do, but also involves who they are.” Mediation is not just work that we do, but rather “an integral part of our identity.” This ‘integration’ is manifested when we make the transition from feeling that “I am someone who mediates” to realizing that “I am a mediator.”

The idea of personality being an important factor in mediation brings to mind my hero from university days, psychologist Carl Rogers, best known for his theories on client centered therapy. In his book ‘Person to Person: The Problem of Being Human,’ Rogers shares a profound conclusion, after all his years as a psychotherapist: “in a wide variety of professional work involving relationships with people–whether as a psychotherapist, teacher, religious worker, guidance counselor, social worker, clinical psychologist–it is the quality of the interpersonal encounter with the client which is the most significant element in determining effectiveness.” Rogers believed it was the ‘attitudinal ingredients’ of congruence, empathy, positive and unconditional regard that individuals bring into a helping relationship that make all the difference. A closer examination of one’s own personal qualities is something all mediators should take the time to reflect on.